in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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