Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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