brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
