Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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