He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
