So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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