Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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