People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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