Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
