that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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