Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize