I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
