my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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