im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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