The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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