We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
