I want to make a zoo with you.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When are your genitals available?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
