Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
