Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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