There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
