her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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