he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
