Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
God, I missed his penis.
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