i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
