spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
