My sheets look like a crime scene.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
