Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
