he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That accounts for only three of the penises
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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