I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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