More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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