idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
