Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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