Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
