I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
