I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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