I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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