this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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