Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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