i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
