it hurts more in the daytime
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
