Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
