Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
