DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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