Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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