Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
