after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
