Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
