god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
