I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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