roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think I sprained my soul last night
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
