i think my mom watched the whole time
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
