what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
