They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
