But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
