I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
