Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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