In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
