I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
