I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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