His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
