when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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