That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
