I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
