Swine flu. Run for my life!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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