peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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