Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
