The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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