You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
