i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
