you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
