I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
