Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
