My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
