I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
