Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
