Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize