your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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