3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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