i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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