I hope mine doesn't look like that
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
