You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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